Strawberry Kiwi Breese

Why someone would squeeze the juices out of a harmless flightless bird is beyond me, but if you are going to make it into a soda, I guess it's my responsibility to try it. It's really odd. Really, really odd. I really can't tell if it's kiwi or strawberry flavored because as soon as I taste it my brain tells me that it's Latin American soda I used to drink. Either Inca Kola or Colombiana Kola, I can't remember which and I'll go get a can to compare later. Truth be told, I'm not a huge fan of kiwi, but I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to taste like this. It has a weird medicinal almost chemical taste. Those are normally are things that I enjoy, but in this case I do not. It even leaves a kind of acrid aftertaste, that's starting to bug me. Perhaps I'm just biased against kiwis (stupid little birds), so if anyone else wants to go out and try it, be my guest. You have been warned.

This is a kiwi, right?

Found at World Market

Somerdale Wensleydale with Blueberries

Whoa, this is good. It's like a piece of cheesecake you can put on a cracker. Wensleydale cheese, for those of you frightened of Wikipedia, is a supple, crumbly, moist texture and a flavor that suggests wild honey balanced with fresh acidity. Boom, plagiarism! Even better with my wiki stealing in full effect I learned that it's even mentioned in an old Pinky and the Brain episode. It is remarkably creamy with blueberries adding sweetness that compliments the lightly acidic undertones. It is also very hard to stop eating. Incidentally just in case you are wondering Somerdale is the importer and not the name of the cheese itself.

Found at Whole Foods

Pringles Philly Cheesesteak

The Philadelphia cheesesteak is a sandwich designed to cause arguments. Whether it's what kind if bread to use, what kind of cheese or even which toppings are appropriate, there is no detail too small to have a rabid fan base that insists it's version is correct and that everyone else is a bunch of filthy heretics. So where does that leave the fans of the Pringles take on the iconic sandwich? Probably languishing in the depths of Tartarus for the crime of having bad taste. The first thing you notice upon eating is onions. It's very heavy on onion flavor. The next thing is the cheese, it has both cheddar ( not Cheez Wiz, as some Phillyphiles demand) and provolone. After that is where it gets confusing. Sometimes I think I can taste a hint of peppers, but it could be something meant to simulate meat. I really can't tell. They definitely suffer from the problem many Pringles have which is spotty flavor coating. All said and done they aren't that bad if you like onions, but I really can't imagine someone as having this as their favorite chip.

Found exclusively at Dollar General

Special thanks to Crystal for hunting these down for me.

Good & Delish Cheeseburger Kettle Cooked Potato Chips

There are a lot of vital components that go into making a good cheeseburger and per the bag art they are trying to give the flavor of  all of them. There's cheddar cheese, tomatoes, onions, pickles, mustard (not shown on the front of the bag, but it's featured in the ingredients), lettuce (it's on the bag art, but I can't figure out if it's represented in the ingredients) and of course the hamburger itself. The end result is a good potato chip, but there's no way anyone would be able to tell what it's supposed to be. I actually have put a cheeseburger in a blender when I was on a no solid food diet and trust me, it doesn't work the same as having a real burger in front of you. Other than an identity crisis these are very tasty chips, with a really good crunch. Definitely good for a drugstore brand chip.

Found at Walgreens

Blue Diamond Cherry Pie Almonds

Loki the god of mischief must be up to his old tricks, because I cannot grasp how someone could think this up. Cherry pie almonds? I'm glad they did though, because they are great. Thank you Loki, good luck causing Ragnarok. When they say cherry pie, they mean the whole pie, in addition to the delightful cherry flavor, you really can taste the pie crust. It's that kind of detail that sets these apart from lesser nuts. They are limited edition and only found at Walgreens, so get them while you can.

Found at Walgreens (I just said that)

Rooibee Red Tea Vanilla Chai

Time to try something "healthy".  I put healthy in quotes because like every health food fad there are hundreds of things it'll supposedly fix or cure. That's all well and good if it does half the things it claims to do, I only care about taste. It tastes really good. It's pleasantly herbal and quite refreshing. The vanilla chai is complimented with the rooibos' earthy caramel notes. It may aid in digestion, it might prevent altitude sickness, prevent cancer, cure gout, contain estrogen like substances (huh?), and may even give you the ability to shoot lightning from your eyeballs, but even if it doesn't (the last one is a long shot), at least it tastes really good.

Found at Fresh Market

The South Bend Chocolate Company Chocolate Bacon Crunch

Today my faith in humanity has been crushed. What kind of sick monster puts Bac Os bits in chocolate? Did they not receive hugs as a child? Are they some sort of fungus person from beneath the Earth's crust? Artificial bacon pieces are a crime in their own right, but to sully chocolate and caramel popcorn with it is the work of a super villain. To say that it is unpleasant is like saying the Second World War was a spat.

Since I am a cruel person myself, I suckered my coworkers into trying some, I couldnt keep all the suffering to myself. One coworker said "it tastes like what dog food smells like" and another claimed they tasted like Beggin' Strips, which is artificial bacon dog treat. I naturally asked her how she knew what they tasted like. Appearantly her sister tricked her into trying one as a kid. At least today wasn't a total loss for me, because I'm going to tease her about that forever. Due to the chocolate I can't even give this horror to my dog, even though it was clearly meant for canines. I normally try to finish whatever foods I get, even if that means sharing them with the unsuspecting, but I think these are going to go in the trash.

Found at World Market (and I wish I didn't find them at all)