Lester's Fixins Artificial Bacon Soda

Thank goodness they told us it's artificial, I might have thought it was all natural bacon soda made from bacon squeezings. It does claim to have "natural flavor" in the ingredients, but honestly I can't imagine what that means. Unlike most fake bacon products I've tried this doesn't seem to use a lot of smoke flavoring. Instead it's very sweet. Probably too sweet. If anything it tastes less like bacon and more like sweet ham. That's not a good thing, if you couldn't guess. It also has a severely chemical aftertaste, which isn't always a deal breaker for me, but this time it is. Altogether foul, I don't expect I'll try it again.

Update: By the gods I've figured it out! Those sick twisted monsters. They didn't make an artificial soda that is bacon flavored. The flavor it's supposed to be is artificial bacon. As in Bac-Os. The goal wasn't bacon, the goal was fake bacon (fakon?). I think I'm even more disgusted now.

Donated by my mom

Found at Pa Dutch Food & Candy Company

Paqui Tortilla Chips Haunted Ghost Pepper

By the hoary hosts of Hoggoth (sorry I've been reading a lot of Dr. Strange) I have made a mistake. This was a Bad Idea. My mouth is burning, my nose is dripping, I want to scrape off my lips, and honestly I'm quite frightened of what's going to happen "down the line", if you know what I mean. All this woe and I just had two chips. Two chips and I'm ready to be buried in an ice casket. #$@&%*! I am so unhappy right now. I had one chip and thought "this is hot, but bearable", so what does my idiot self do? I have a second chip. I feel like I've been tongue kissed by Mephistopheles. Why the hell would they make a bag this big for these chips? It's not like you can even torture a room full of your "friends" with them, because after the first two collapse no one else is even going to get near them. Ghost peppers were the hottest pepper in the world in 2007, but are now "only" considered the third hottest. They are rated at more than one million Scoville heat units. They are 401.5 times hotter than Tabasco sauce (thanks Wikipedia). I should have looked all this up before putting it in my mouth. If the sadism involved wasn't enough these chips are also made with cayenne, chipotle, and chili powder, my guess is in order to give it something resembling a taste. As if anyone can taste anything other than misery and regret. #$@&%*! 

Found at Fresh Market

Blue Plate Special Blackberry Cobbler Soda

Good thing they let me know that it's a cobbler soda, otherwise I would have thought its a pie soda, and that would be ridiculous. Could you imagine, a bottom layer of pie crust? It boggles the mind. It's very good. Very sweet. The blackberry is a glory in artificial flavoring. What really stands out to me though is the pie taste. Sorry, cobbler taste. There's a hint of what I think is vanilla and cinnamon that really does give you the taste of pie crust. Sorry, cobbler crust. It really is a work of art. Sorry, work of cobbler.

Found at World Market