Oolala Saffron and Olive Oil Potato Chips

Ooh la la or in this case Oolala, is normally an expression for pleasant surprise, but in this case it seems to be a synonym for meh. Meh is still much better than feh though, so there is that. Maybe the problem is me, saffron just doesn't light up my pleasure sensors like it seems to do to other people. Saffron is spice popular throughout the world, it's used in many cultures dishes. If you've ever had Spanish or Middle Eastern yellow rice, you've had saffron. Wikipedia describes the taste as hay-like and sweet. I had no idea so many people wanted to eat sweetened hay bales, but that does explain how Frosted Mini Wheats has stuck around for so long. The saffron taste only hits me intermittently, but I can't tell if that's because it's lightly flavored or if I'm just not registering it. The chips themselves are very well made, with a robust crisp and excellent mouth feel. It was certainly a novel idea making saffron potato chips, but it's just not for me. 

Found at World Market

Peanut Hottie

Have you ever had a need you didn't know existed? An experience that shifts your world view? I myself had never thought of heating an entire jar of peanut butter and slurping it down like some sort of twisted legume addict, but now that I do I'm not sure how to go on with my life. Will people on the street see my newfound secret shame? Will I have to slink though the shadows as the Goober Pariah? Will my previous addiction to rhetorical questions subside? If you've ever put peanut butter on a hot English muffin, then you know how this tastes. If you haven't then you need to experience the world more, my little Baby Bird. I'm not so sure about the name and packaging though. "Take me home...love your Peanut Hottie" and the instructions "How To Make Me Hot..." and even the contact information saying to "write me a love letter" seems a bit too sultry. Just how flirty can a beverage be? That's how you end up with a scalded lap. Umm, or so I hear. 

Found at Walmart

Larry the Cable Guy Cheeseburger Tater Chips

Should I be worried that one of the other things that Larry the Cable Guy shills for is Prilosec, a heartburn medicine? For those of you who were trapped in a subterranean mole kingdom for Aughts, Larry the Cable Guy is a comedian with an exaggerated Southern Redneck style. He most well known for being part of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour and for voicing the tow truck Mater, in the Pixar movie, Cars. You aren't here for his bio though, so I will "Git-R-Done." Hmm, even typing that out makes me cringe. Wow, these truly are the platonic ideal of cheeseburgers. I don't mean these taste like cheeseburgers that just want to be friends, they taste like idea of all cheeseburgers. To be more specific they taste like every basic cheeseburger you get at any fast food place. Obviously your lobster, truffle, and caviar cheeseburger made with Kobe beef and seasoned with meerkat tears, that Richy McRicherson eats while burning thousand dollar bills in front of starving orphans, tastes different, but you get the gist. When Larry says cheeseburger, he isn't talking just ground beef and cheese, you can taste the mustard, ketchup, onions, pickles. They pack a lot of flavor on each chip. These aren't the first cheeseburger flavored chips I've tried, but they are the strongest and the most "meaty." The "taters" themselves are a bit average, relatively thin, but they do have an acceptable crunch. As Larry himself says on the front of the bag, "boy that's good eatin'!" Perhaps I should give Prilosec a chance too.

Donated by Pat

Found at Exxon

The Peeps Show!

Who doesn't crave eating the young of flightless domesticated avians? Way back when the years still started a nineteen, you could only find Peeps around Easter. They were part of the Easter motif of chicks and bunnies that makes Christians stare at their feet when you ask them to explain it. Those days are long gone since people have now discovered they like eating marshmallows year round. Who knew? Still, holidays are still in their fluff clogged veins, so now we have a variety of loosely winter themed Peeps. Being that I'm horribly lazy I'm going to review them all at once.

Sugar Cookie

Do sugar cookies normally have bits of metal foil in them? Why do these have metallic grey bits? I'll ignore that the fudge bottoms make it look like these birds have a case of mud butt if I can get answer on the tinselling. As for taste they really don't stand out. Peeps are already marshmallows coated with sugar, making them sugar cookie flavored adds very little. A teeny tiny hint of vanilla, maybe? You won't be able to taste it once you reach the chocolate anyways. Assuming of course you are like me and eat the heads first like some sort of G-rated Ozzy Osborne.

Hot Cocoa & Cream

I want to let everyone in on a little secret, hot cocoa tastes the same as cold cocoa. Sure it's more enjoyable when it's hot, but the flavor is still the same. It's a secret to everybody. Shh. With that out if the way (and helping me reach my quota of video game jokes), this is really good. The head was rich and satisfying, it really pleases the tongue. The white fudge cream "body" plays pleasant counterpoint and gives a bit of sharpness. I could only imagine how good this would be if you put one in an actual cup of hot cocoa and let it sink like  the Lusitania. 

Red Velvet 

Did my previous revelation blow your mind? Are you still cleaning various skull fragments off of your phones? Hurry up then, I don't have all day. Ok, all better? Good, because this one is even bigger. Red Velvet is just cocoa. Whoa. Yeah. Whoa. I know, right? That being said these do taste slightly different than the Hot Cocoa Peeps, like the amount of cocoa is slightly less. The fudge may or may not be slightly different as well, a bit more dairy tasting perhaps. Still pretty good, but given the choice I'd  suggest taking the Hot Cocoa & Cream. It's also less likely to turn your tongue magenta. I'm also not sure when Red Velvet became a winter holiday flavor, I thought they were going to save it for Valentine's Day, but I guess it was only a matter of time until Christmas fully swallowed the entire calendar.

Sugar Plum Delight

Just as I have blown your minds, now it's  my turn to be surprised. These are the moments I live for, this tastes tastes like absolutely nothing I've had before. Just as candy versions of common fruits exaggerate the high points of their forebears, so too does this taste nothing like a real plum and yet is most clearly plum flavored. This also makes me ask myself some difficult questions. Do I like these because they are so alien or do I like them for their own traits? It's sweet yes, but there's a tart almost tannic background that really sets it apart. The fact that the first one I pulled out has candy crystals only on one side like a confectionary Two-Face is also pretty cool. I'd very much like it if plum candy some day reached the pantheon of candy flavors like grape, cherry, and blue raspberry. That's it for me, these Peeps have made me pooped. Happy Holidays!

Found at Target 

Ruffles All Dressed Potato Chips

It looks like the United States' longest unsecured border has been breached. Normally at this point I'd gently tease our neighbors to the north with a few jokes, perhaps treat the movie Strange Brew as a documentary or claim that the Canadian Prime Minister is selected by whichever moose has the biggest antlers, but I want to take another tack today. We should be grateful of our Great White Northern brethren. They have given us so much, not just a place to threaten to flee to after every election. Peanut Butter, the Wonderbra, Trivial Pursuit were all invented there. Canada has given us great actors such as Leslie Nielsen, William Shatner, and Pamela Anderson. Wonderful music such as Neil Young, Rush, Steppenwolf, and Loverboy. Even Wolverine and Deadpool are Canadian, mutant healing factors are the only way to improve on Canadian healthcare, bub. As you can probably tell from from my glowing endorsement of Canada I quite like these chips (if I didn't I'd point out that both Justin Beiber and Nickelback are from there as well.) the big question everyone has is what does All Dressed even mean. All Dressed is sort of like an Everything Bagel, all the major flavors you find are put together. Since these are Canadian the major flavors are Salt and Vinegar, Barbecue Sauce, and Ketchup. There's a lot of paprika in them as well, but I think that's part of the ketchup chips. It might sound like a mess, but the vinegar gives it bite, the barbecue gives sweetness and the ketchup and paprika give it richness. I'm guessing there's a secret fourth type of chip either Heroin or Crack Flavor because they are very addictive. Once the limited run is over I may have to smuggle them out of Canada. Thankfully there isn't a crackpot racist trying to build a wall on our Northern border. Not yet at least. Seriously, I'm all aboot these chips. Sorry, couldn't help myself.

Found at Giant

Sprecher Beer Flavored Kettle Chips

Guten Tag or should I say Gluten Tag since this a food blog and I don't care how bad my jokes are. Oktoberfest may be over since it mostly happens in September (because if it was in October they would call Novemberfest) but that won't stop me from reviewing these chips. Beer and potato chips go together so well there's even a song about it, but what happens when you combine Essen Vergnügen with Trinkgenuss (eating and drinking enjoyment if Google translation is to be believed)? Is it Wunderbar or so bad they have to have a convention in Geneva? Wurst case scenario I could always try to kill the taste with sausages. Turns out none of that is necessary because these are really good. It really does taste like beer, because it's actually made with dried beer. This is the first time dried beer was good for anything other than making your feet stick to the floor in bars. They have just a hint of sweet (honey is another ingredient, so is yeast), which gives the saltiness something to shine against. Kettle chips were an excellent choice to showcase this flavor,  the crunch and the wholesomeness of the potatoes bring everything together.  Truly the total package. The only real question left is if I eat the entire bag in one sitting does it count as an eating problem or a drinking problem?

Found at World Market

Combos Sweet & Salty Chocolate Fudge

Sweet and Salty, its a taste that has gotten popular lately, although not one that applies to people if my love life is any indication. Chocolate covered pretzels have been around for a while, but this is the first time I've seen pretzel covered chocolate. If anything I think the label has it backwards, they should be called Salty and Sweet. The little bit of fudge acts like tiny life preserver in a lake of saltiness. Don't misread me these are pretty good, I like the salt, it's just that I'm used to a hint of salt to bring sweetness into focus, where this uses a hint of sweet to dull the sharpness of the salt. It's a very interesting interaction. If you remove the fudge from it's chitinous pretzel shell  (maybe with a tiny crab mallet?) you'll find the fudge is rich and creamy. If you don't (perhaps you broke your mallet at the last crabathalon) you'll barely notice it. Very good, but I do wish they had a little bit more fudge.

Donated by Grant and Pat

Found at 7-11