Oscar Meyer Teriyaki Ginger Seasoned Bacon Jerky

Somebody call my mother, because I think I'm in love. This is truly the pinnacle of pig engineering science! As you can imagine I've had a number of different bacon jerkies, this one takes the cake (maple bacon cake?). Unlike others, it actually manages to avoid the whole large pieces of bacon fat issue that, while still tasty, make chewing the jerky feel kind of disturbing. Since the slices are very thin it also lacks the tough leathery feel of regular jerky. It really feels more like  normal precooked bacon than jerky at all. The taste is exquisite, the wholesome joy of real bacon, the sweetness of teriyaki, the zest of ginger. I've made my own candied ginger teriyaki bacon before, but with this around I'm not sure I'll need to go through the effort or the massive clean up. I've already finished my bag, I need to get to the store RIGHT NOW!

Found at Walmart

Mamma Chia Chia Squeeze Green Magic

Ch-ch-ch-chia! I'm not quite certain this is food. When did chia go from being the stuff we coat our terra cotta pets with, to something we are supposed to eat? Were we supposed to eat our chia pets? If I coat my currently shorn scalp with this will I grow lovely green locks? Seriously, is this food? So many questions.

Should it look like this? Do I have to eat it?

With so many questions the only thing to do is try it. Eating it, that is, not spreading it on my head. Umm, well, sure is slimy. People like slimy, right? In addition to chia seeds (ch-ch-ch-chia!, I can't get that out of my head now), the "Green Magic" is made out of banana, mango, apple, kale, and a couple of other things I've never heard of and aren't going to look up (screw you, spirulina and chlorella). Everything is organic. There are at least ten times organic is listed on the package (I would have counted higher, but I ran out of fingers). It has plenty of Omega-3 and also 6 and 9, which again I've never heard of and won't look up. Suffice to say chia isn't going to be a flavor someday Oreo is going to stick between two cookies. I really don't like it. I wonder if I got a bad batch (it's certainly ugly enough), but I have the sneaking suspicion that it's this way intentionally. I'm more than willing to try "health" foods, but flavor must come first.

Found at Target

Nabisco Caramel Apple Oreo

Fall is soon coming upon us and with it come fall flavors. Soon we will be awash in candy corn, pecan pie, and absolutely everything pumpkin spice related. Let's not forget the humble apple in both candied and caramel form. I rarely eat the real things anymore, having a humongous moustache means that if I try to bite into one it'll become permanently grafted to my face, but I do enjoy the flavors. That's where these come in, all the taste and my precious handlebar looks dashing for yet another day. If anything the taste may be too exact. Instead of the fake apple flavor that you typically get from let's say a Jolly Rancher, they actually taste like you are biting into an apple or at least drinking some apple cider. The caramel is a bit more subdued, but still pretty good. Also you can separate the caramel from the apple and eat them individually, if you are so inclined. They also go well with milk. The only real question is will I prefer these of the rumored and in my opinion inevitable pumpkin spice Oreos?

Found at Target

Vosges Smoky Tellicherry Bar

I find it fitting to review this bar as I approach one hundred reviews, because it was a very similar chocolate bar that started me down my path as The Reckless Gastronome. Years ago my mother picked me up a Mo's Bacon Bar and that started me on the path of finding and trying some of the less conventional foods out there. Much like myself this chocolate bar isn't content to be slightly odd (I'm certain my friends are in complete agreement with that assessment), it wants to be completely unique (or in my case downright weird). To that end it uses tellicherry peppercorns, which are special type of pepper from the coast of India that are allowed to mature more in order to give them a richer taste. No I didn't know any of that, I figured I was getting some type of actual cherry when I bought this, I really should read the packaging more closely. Between dark chocolate, smoked bacon, and fancy peppercorns it really covers all bases on the taste spectrum. My only real complaint is that I absolutely hate the feel of peppercorns in my mouth. They just feel like debris. Flavorful debris, but still like something you should spit out.

Found at the Fresh Market

Herr's Sloppy Joe Flavored Potato Chips

The Sloppy Joe is a mid-twentieth century American food made from cheap plentiful ingredients. My guess is that it had something to do with either the Depression or World War IIand had to figure out how to stretch a limited supply or ration of beef. They are made with ground beef, tomato sauce or ketchup, onions, and spices. What's a bit less well understood is why people keep eating them. The ingredients are now plentiful, the Nazis are mostly gone (except for the evil Red Skull), and occasionally people wear clothing that they don't want stained red. Perhaps it's a regional thing, much like my insistence on putting Old Bay on everything. Remember when I said Sloppy Joe's are made with beef tomatoes, onions, and spices (you should, it was only a few sentences ago)? These chips really don't taste like any of that. The thing they taste most of is paprika. All other tastes take a back seat. There are other tastes, but without being part blood hound I couldn't figure out what they were. Tomato, maybe? Here's the problem though, in no way shape or form do they come close to having anything that could be considered meaty. There's no umami sensation when you eat these, that mouthwatering heartiness that almost sticks to your tongue. Over all, these are a disappointment, but at least I didn't make a mess all over my shirt.

Found at Walmart

Alicita Salsa Twist of Japan

Japan, the birthplace of Godzilla, giant robots, pink haired school girls with huge eyes, and plenty of other things I'm being culturally insensitive to. Japan is also know for it's many and varied cuisines that continue to grow in popularity throughout the world. So what makes this salsa "Japan Twisted"? Ginger. Interesting, I would have thought it something more distinctively Japanese like wasabi or Pokemon flavor. Ginger has been known in the West since the 1st century AD. I wasn't even sure where it originated from because pretty much every culture now uses it in their food (southern China, by the way). The Japanese ginger I see most often is the pink slices that are served with sushi and known as Gari. Gari is used to cleanse the palate between pieces of sushi. In salsa the ginger gives it a much smoother taste. There's plenty of zest and tang but it mellows the acidity and spiciness. Makes me wonder why more salsas don't use it. It's not a particularly chunky salsa, the ingredients are mostly blended, but you can still make out what pieces were what. It goes great with chips, and I imagine it would also compliment any dish it was used in. I wouldn't immediately think of Japan when I try this, but I do have to say domo arigato (Mr. Roboto).

Found at Giant

Petey's Bing

According to my internet research Bing cherries are either named after: the sound they make when you drop one in a steel bowl; Bing Crosby, who is rumored to have ate five pounds of cherries a day;  Bing the search engine, Microsoft buying the rights to the fruit in some bizarre marketing scheme; or 19th century Manchurian Chinese foreman Ah Bing, who oversaw the cultivation. Funny thing, the internet. Even though it doesn't come out and say it, and even though I found this in the produce/health drinks section, I'm pretty sure this is an energy drink. It says there's 5% cherry juice, but It has taurine, caffeine, ginseng root, and guarana seed, as well. It also has beta-glucan, acai berry, and flax seed, which according to my internet research (which it's totally untrustworthy) may in fact, be something that won't destroy your body. You shouldn't be taking my advice on medical matters anyways, I eat all kinds of crazy stuff. It tastes pretty good for an energy drink, better than Red Bull at least  and it pairs well with vodka. The taste is sweet but still doesn't quite mask the taurine flavor that is common to most energy drinks. Not that it's any of my business, if you want to be healthy and energized, shouldn't you be doing yoga or something and not searching for it in a can? Meh, I'm a slacker, this'll do just fine for me.

Found at Food Lion

Pringles Xtra Tangy Buffalo Wing

Xtra. Did we as a culture, at some point, decide that the letter E was below our notice and that words need to start with X? The package is emblazoned with a great big X, just in case you missed the fact that they are "Xtra-ordinary" or "Xtra tangy". The fact of the matter is that they are chips, and therefore unlikely to run off and fight Magneto, regardless of how many X's they put on the package. For whatever reason the people at Pringles really love their Buffalo wings, because they actually have quite a few variations such as Buffalo Ranch, Xtreme (ugh) Blazin' Buffalo Wing, and Frank's Red Hot Buffalo Wing in addition to the aforementioned Xtra Tangy. I can only imagine that the people at Pringles host all their meetings at Hooters. Even though they are playing havoc with my spell check, they are remarkably good. They have a strong cayenne pepper kick, that won't leave you screaming, but that you aren't going to forget either. There's also a distinct vinegar flavor that takes the edge off the heat but isn't too sour and finally a slight undercurrent of garlic that rounds it out. Pringles chips (or crisps, as it says on the container) are always uniform in their shape and size. The same cannot always be said for their flavoring distribution, sometimes the powders are spotty or even quite sparse. Thankfully the Buffalo Wing flavoring on these is almost perfectly spread out, so every bite tastes good. If I didn't have dozens more types of chips to try out i might have bought these again, even if I think the name is dumb.

Found at Walmart

Nabisco Cookie Dough Oreo

As much as in enjoying this years crop of interesting Oreo flavors, I'm also a little bit nervous. What are they going to do next year to top it? Only things I can think of are Cookie and Cream filled Oreos which even The Department of Redundancy Department thinks is overkill and Reverse Oreos where there is a cookie sandwiched by two discs of creme, which sounds like a humongous mess if you actually tried to eat it. I do like the idea of having cookie dough between two cookies although I wonder if you went ahead and cooked it would it simply turn into a stack of three cookies? All of which brings me to the actual review. It is freaking awesome. Of course it's awesome. I do have a couple minor bones to pick though (don't worry, there aren't any actual bones inside). I've long ago made my peace with it being creme as opposed to cream, but why does it have "chocolatey chips"? It actually has chocolate in the ingredients, so where is it if it's not in the chips? Also, I feel like there has to be some sort of size limit on what constitutes a chip, they are so tiny that really they should just called flakes. I guess "chocolatish flakes" just doesn't have the same ring. Really though, I'm just being picky, these are great and I can't wait to find the next limited time flavor.

Found at Shoppers

Phancy Soda Chanh Vietnamese Sparkling Limeade with Strawberry and Lychee

Soda Chanh is a Vietnamese lime drink that is made with sugar, soda water and limes obviously. I'm told it's quite popular and that you can get it at many Vietnamese restaurants. Since I always get carry out I've never had it, so I can't say if it's like the handmade stuff. Lychees are fragrant fruit with a slightly acidic sweet taste that reminds some people of grapes and perfume. If you don't know what a strawberry is, I can't help you, but hey, welcome to Earth, spaceman! So what happens when you combine all these distinct flavors? You create a drink I find utterly repulsive. I find it too cloying sweet with a fairly acidic aftertaste that makes me want to scrape my tongue against a tree. I generally like all the ingredients (it's all natural by the way) indivually, but instead of working together like the Super Friends they form a lame Legion of Doom. After doing my research I am however curious to try restaurant made Soda Chanh or even Soda Chanh Muoi which is made from limes pickled in salt (I expect it'll be gross, but I'm still curious), so if you have a Vietnamese restaurant in Northern Virginia that you like and that has either, please let me know in the comments.

Found at World Market

B More Nutz Nutterz Potato Chip Coated Peanuts Dill Pickle

Peanuts inside of potato chips. If they could manage to put them inside of pretzels and cover that with Cheetos dust I could get all the basic snack groups in one bite. It cool though, these are extreme enough as is, you can tell because of the Z  in the name. I'm not sure I would call these potato chip coated, it's really more of a potato breading, they don't have the oiliness or the saltiness that are the hallmarks of potato chips. That's not a bad thing at all though, because what they do have is a terrific crunch that continues as you chew and yet are not so hard that you think you are going to crack a crown. The dill pickle flavoring is done well. Not as much vinegar taste as most other dill pickle offerings, which allows the the dill to really shine. They also come in a bunch of other flavors such as Bacon Cheddar, Nuclear, and Bloody Mary. I'm definitely going to have to buy more.

Found at Giant

T.O. Williams Virginia Smoked Link Sausage

In nature certain animals have colors that warn other animals that they are dangerous, such as black and yellow stripes that let you know things will sting and poison you or that they are Charlie Brown. There is a similar process that when food is red you expect it to be hot.

When that food is so very bright red that it could be used to signal fertility in baboons, you expect it to be hot enough to vaporize your tongue. Once again my expectations are totally off. It's really quite mild. There is a heavy smoke flavor that isn't all that surprising since it's called a smoked link, and that probably contributes to the red coloring, although there are food dyes listed in the ingredients. The meat is finely ground so it has more of a hotdog consistency than a proper sausage. 

 The casing is rather thick, while I was cooking them I heard a startling pop come from the grill, when they finally burst. I'm not sure if I was supposed to eat the skin or try to peel it, so I went ahead and ate it. It tasted fine and as of this writing I am more or less still alive. If it does kill me, please let my tombstone be a warning to peel them before eating. But dignified, or as dignified as a warning from beyond the grave on safe sausage consumption can get. They aren't bad, but nothing really to write home about either, although since I'm writing about it right now, you can probably discard that advice as well.

Found at Shoppers

Arcor Saladix Snacks Sabor Jamon

For those if you who don't speak Spanish, or speak it as poorly as me, "sabor jamon" means ham flavor. Arcor is the Argentine equivalent to a company like Nabisco, although these were bought in Uruguay. Don't ask me what Saladix means, I don't know and I refuse to look it up. Even though it's advertised as just ham it's actually ham and cheese. I really don't know why ham flavored snacks never really caught on here the United States because these are pretty good. It's a bunch of tiny crackers that while individually don't taste like much they certainly build to a pleasant taste. They are far less salty than most similar style American treats. There's also the fact that saying "jamon" pronounced "ham on" kind of makes me feel like I'm doing a poor Michael Jackson impersonation, so that's kind of fun too.

Found in Uruguay

Donated by my mom

Skittles Darkside

I figured I was getting some kind of Star Wars themed candy (the Sith-berries taste like Sith-berries), but instead it turns out I bought the worlds first goth candy. It even has a slogan "The Other Side of the Rainbow" which sounds deep and dark until you realize that rainbows don't work that way. So I did what I had to do, put on The Sisters of Mercy, and dug in. Chances are, you eat Skittles like a normal person which is by taking a couple at a time and just tossing them in your mouth, and this works fine. The flavors all play nicely together and you may even be able to distinguish one or two individual tastes. I mean, only a complete psychopath would separate them individually.

No really, they came out of the box like that.

The individual flavors are loaded with pretentious goth names. Forbidden Fruit, which in classical art is often depicted as an apple is here some sort of grape punch flavor. Blood Orange, which is richer and slightly less sweet than regular orange. It has blood in its name so it's scary. Pomegranate, the fruit used to trap Persephone in the underworld for part of the year, is remarkably tangy and probably the most interesting out of the group. Dark Berry, which I've heard has the sweetest juice (or at least that's what my ex girlfriend told me) is here some kind of blueberry and maybe blackberry mix. Which leaves us with Midnight Lime. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS A "MIDNIGHT LIME"? There is no such thing as midnight lime. It might be covered in eyeliner, black lipstick and wearing fishnets on it's arms, but it's just regular old lime. Still, all the flavors are actually pretty good and it has been a while since I played a Bauhaus album.

Found at Walgreens 

Nabisco Root Beer Float Oreo

Summer 2014 is truly the summer of flavors. Oreo alone has come out with seven limited time flavors. Of those I've tried five (still looking for Strawberry Milkshake, Rainbow Ice Cream and Cookie Dough). After two weeks of searching, and countless stores, I've found Root Beer Float. The creme is half root beer and half vanilla, which is the float aspect and I'm not one hundred percent sure I think the cookie is the regular golden Oreo cookie, I think it has a slight hint of root beer as well. Overall they are pretty good, although I would have like the root beer to be a little stronger. Since Nabisco seems determined to put every beverage inside an Oreo, since they've done fruit punch, limeade and now this, I wouldn't mind seeing Dr. Pepper or Cherry Coke get the same treatment. 

Found at Food Lion

Intense Mint Chip Milk

Since I couldn't get ahold of the Blue Milk from Star Wars, I thought I might as well try some bright green milk. I feel like if I ever got tired of drinking this I could use it to paint a '50's Cadillac. Not that I would get tired of drinking it, because it's great, but also because like all store bought chocolate milks, it's very thick. Probably some additive to keep it from settling. It tastes just like melted mint chocolate ice cream. There are chocolate undertones, but the mint steals the show. With as delightful as it is, my only real question is why isn't mint chocolate syrup available everywhere, so I can make my own at home.

Found at Wegmans 

Portezuelo Alfajores de Uruguay

In Latin America there is a special treat known as an alfajor. While there are hundreds of variations, it basically consists of two (rarely three) crumbly cookies with a sweet layer, mostly dulce de leche but jam and mousse are also common and is frequently covered in chocolate, powdered sugar or in the Santa Fe province I was born, a type of merengue. My mother recently went to visit my aunt who is currently living in Uruguay, so I asked her to bring some alfajores, since they are difficult to find in Northern Virginia. To me they tasted like being a kid again, but to my coworkers they tasted like MoonPies filled with caramel instead of marshmallow. After soundly thrashing my coworkers for mistaking dulce de leche for caramel, I had to admit there is a certain similarity. If you find some, try them and definitely let me know where to get them, international travel is expensive.

Found in Uruguay (sorry, I don't have the name of the shop)

Donated by my mom.

Mr. Q. Cumber

The Q in the name must stand for "quite a tasty beverage." What? It's a play on cucumber? Well, that certainly puts me in a pickle. I had all sorts of Q jokes queued up. Either way, it's a delightful refreshing drink. It manages to walk the line between being too sweet or too dry, and actually tastes just like a fresh cucumber, but fizzy. Best served cool, cool as a cucumber. 

Found at World Market

Chicken Helper Ultimate Sweet & Spicy Teriyaki

If ice cubes and cucumbers are too spicy for you then, perhaps, you shouldn't try this. For everyone else this is further proof that "spicy" really doesn't mean anything in advertising. You know what though? In this case I don't care. It's really tasty. Almost like something you'd get at a restaurant. The sauce is sweet and tangy and yes, there is a teensy tiny hint of chili pepper. Maybe the amount you'd get if someone ran through the room holding a pepper aloft as if it was an Olympic torch, but it is there.

Don't worry, it makes a lot more food than this.

I feel I must warn you it's a bit more work than your usual Chicken or Hamburger Helper. You have to coat the chicken pieces in spices, fry them, and then add in a sauce while making the rice. The instructions are pretty clear, and if you follow them it'll turn out great, so having to wash an extra couple dishes won't kill you. Lazy bones, sheesh. I would recommend making certain the chicken strips are cut fairly small, it won't affect the flavor, but some of the larger pieces I made took a little longer to cook. I would also suggest adding some actual chili peppers or at least some hot sauce, just in case you really do want something spicy.

Found at Walmart

Lay's Kettle Cooked Wasabi Ginger Potato Chips

This is part 4 of 4 in Lay's 2014 "Do us a Flavor" contest. After the trials and tribulations of of this contest, I am finally done. Not done with potato chips, I still have plenty waiting for me to review, but done with hunting down all the different flavors. For once my hopes and dreams have come true. These chips are great. I wish I had bought a bigger bag. The wasabi is just the right amount, it won't blast your brains out, but you know what you are eating. The ginger is understated, but helps temper the wasabi and there is also a hint of soy sauce, that gives it a nice salty umami tang. Since these are kettle chips they are thicker and crunchier than the regular Lay's chips. They really make me crave sushi. I also want to crush them and use them to crust a tuna steak or shrimp. I now know who I'm going to vote for in the "Do us a Flavor" contest.

Found at Walgreens

Lay's Wavy Mango Salsa Potato Chips

This is Part 3 of 4 in Lay's 2014 "Do us a Flavor" contest. Well, drat. I didn't think there would be a flavor I liked less than Cappuccino. I really don't understand it, I keep trying the chips hoping I just got a bad one, but they are all awful. I didn't think they were going to be my favorite, but actually hating them caught me by surprise. I think they are just too sweet. It's the kind of flavor I would expect from antifreeze. A small part if me wonders if it would be good on a corn chip, something you could actually eat salsa with, yet somehow I believe it might be irredeemable. One more "Do us a Flavor" chip left, let's hope it's not another loser or we will be looking at Cheddar Bacon Mac & Cheese for the next year (not that that would be a bad thing, I was hoping for something a little more interesting.)

Found at Walgreens

Grapery Witch Fingers Grapes

These are Maleficent, I mean magnificent. They are Wickedly good. Baba Yaga would go gaga for these. 

I'll totally admit I bought them because of their name and look, but I'm so happy I did. They taste just like regular red seedless grapes, but because of their higher skin to meat ratio they are chewier and have a bit more snap when you bite into them.

They are more fun. As far as I can figure out they are a product of cross breeding versus genetic modification, but honestly I couldn't care less. If it was up to me I'd  say that an ancient witch's curse caused them to spring into being when she was dismembered in a vineyard. I have a lot of time on my hands.

I'm having way too much fun with these. They are only in season for a couple months, but I want more. They are creepy and tasty and honestly, for a guy who eats mostly junk food, any endorsement for a fruit has to count for quite a lot.

Found at The Fresh Market

Wahta Pure Maple Water

O Canada, don't you know maple is for pancakes, not for drinking (the scene from Super Troopers not withstanding)? I picked this up out of sheer curiosity as I frequently do, but once I did a bit of research (after I try something new I like to look up if it's going to kill me) I found out this is supposed to be healthy! Maybe. It's the new coconut water (which I've never had since I'm massively allergic to coconut) Like everything that claims to be good for you, there is intense debate over health claims and as always intense health debates leave me hungry for doughnuts. Mmm, maple doughnuts. Sorry, got sidetracked. So what is maple water? It's the maple sap before they boil it to make the syrup. They could have called it Tree Blood, put it in a black container, and have sold it to metal heads. Instead they called it Wahta, which according to the box is "maple" in the Mohawk language. Seems a bit cutesy to me, eh. In any event, it really doesn't taste like much. Kind of like someone put a single drop of maple syrup in a bottle of water and shook it up. I can see why people claim it has health benefits, they must be too lazy to make the actual syrup, so they are selling the raw ingredients. Those hosers. So at the end of the day I suggest you save your money, maybe the next health craze will be more exciting.

Found at The Fresh Market

Lay's Cheddar Bacon Mac & Cheese Potato Chips

This is Part 2 of 4 of Lay's 2014 "Do us a Flavor" contest. Bacon Mac Cheese is thought to be the likely winner, if for no reason that it's the most "normal" of the options. No one expects Cappuccino Chips to be a runaway hit (and rightfully so). So how does it stand on it's own? Pretty good. I was wondering how do you recreate macaroni outside of actually having it, or at least sticking a feather in your cap. The answer it seems is by adding more cheese! Brilliant! Even though it says Cheddar on the bag, there is a lot more cheese and dairy involved. It has Romano, buttermilk, Parmesan and skim milk. My guess is they are trying to recreate some sort of béchamel sauce. Now, I can hear you say, "enough about the cheese, no one cares about the cheese, how is the bacon?" First of all, you should finish reading before calling me with questions and second, it's pretty good. It's not my favorite bacon potato chip, that's currently Kettle Brand Maple Bacon, but it's no slouch either. It avoids the chemical tasting stuff, dodges the bacon by way of smoke flavoring that some things fall trap to, and has a real, albeit weak, bacon taste. As well it should, considering this is the first bacon chip I've seen that actually uses bacon fat. You may have noticed I mentioned that the bacon flavor is weak. That's not really an indictment of the bacon, so much as a comment on how strong the cheese is. It's an altogether great chip, and if it wins the contest I can happily keep munching on these. Actually almost anything will be ok, just as long as it isn't the cappuccino. 

Found at Giant

Lay's Cappuccino Flavored Potato Chip

The Lay's potato chip company is once again doing it's "Do us a Flavor" competition where they take fan suggestions for a new flavor and then have us pick which flavor will stick around for the next year. This year it's between Kettle Cooked Wasabi Ginger, Cheddar Bacon Mac & Cheese, Wavy Mango Salsa. I will be reviewing all of them, so I'm going to be sick of potato chips for while. 

I don't drink a lot of coffee. I almost never go to Starbucks. Even though my grandmother was Colombian, I've never wandered the mountainside with a donkey picking coffee beans. I really couldn't tell you if a cup of joe is from nice cafe or if it's the free coffee you get from Jiffy Lube. As long as it's caffeinated, and somewhat brownish to begin with, I'm ok with it. Once you open the bag, the smell is amazing. I could walk around all day taking big sniffs whenever I needed a pick me up. I wouldn't do that of course because it would look weird, but the smell just might make it worthwhile. The taste is where it falls down. Potatoes aren't meant to be sweet. Even if there was some sort mythical "sweet potato" out there, what would anyone do with it? Make a pie? The cappuccino flavor isn't bad per se, you can taste the coffee, cream and even a hint of cinnamon, it just doesn't work on a potato chip. It would be great on almonds or even a cookie, pretty much anywhere else. I understand why Lay's did it, they want people talking about their brand, but there has to be a better way.

Found at Giant

Scorpion Sucker Blueberry Flavor

As any school child could tell you, it's a well known fact that arachnids and fruit pair very well, the two flavors always compliment each other. A very popular treat throughout the tropics is Banana Tarantula Surprise (surprise, there's a tarantula living in this bunch of bananas). Spiders in bananas is amateur hour, I'm going blueberry scorpion. To get to the beastie I have to keep this horror in my mouth until it's candy shell has disintegrated. It isn't a small lollipop either it's about an inch and a half to two inches long. 

Release me.

As it starts to get free, I find a rather disconcerting problem (there really isn't anything about this I find comfortable), scorpions are pointy. Even though it had it's stinger removed prior to entombment, it still has it's pinchy claws and wicked little legs. This is somehow worse than a Tootsie Pop, although less likely to require massive dental work afterwards. 

Soon I shall be free.

With the head released, it has gotten even more creepy. I keep wondering if the eyes are going to stay in place or have I already eaten them. I really can't taste anything other than the blueberry (which I'm getting tired of), but it does feel like I've got twigs and dirt in my mouth. 

Come closer so I can pinch you.

Moment of truth, I have battled my enemy to the point where I think I can actually take a bite without having to get fitted for dentures. For good or ill, I must meet my destiny.

This isn't over, human.

Ugh. Ugh. Well that was unpleasant. Kind of like trying to eat a dirty fingernail. There's a reason people peel their shrimp and de-shell lobsters, chitin doesn't taste good and feel horrible in your mouth. Now you'll have to pardon me, I need to brush my teeth and drink until I've forgotten this ever happened.

Found at Hotlix.com which specializes in insect candies (and will haunt my nightmares)

Donated by Sam (who has lost her food recommendation privileges for quite a while)

Check Mix Xtreme Sweet & Spicy Sriracha

Sriracha is the current spicy célèbre, replacing chipotle as the heat you have to meet. It's showing up on popcorn, chips, lollipops, vodka, and knowing how twisted the world is, probably personal lubricant. Sriracha is known for its chili and vinegar taste. It's hot, not the hottest thing in the world, but hotter than most hot sauces you easily find inside of restaurants. That's why the Chex Mix take on it is so disappointing. It doesn't even taste like vinegar which is the second most important taste in sriracha. The flavoring is weak, you have to take a huge mouthful just to even remotely taste what they were attempting.

As all withChex Mixes, there are the two types of Chex, rice and wheat, and pretzel. There is the obligatory bread chip, although what kind of bread it is I can't tell and making it's debut is some sort cheese puff that is sans cheese. My guess is they couldn't make a deal with an actual sriracha maker and thus had to simulate the flavor based solely on the description by someone whose cousin had once tasted it years ago and was drunk at the time. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad, there isn't even enough flavor to make it offensive, it's just really sad. Orphan with a sick puppy, sad.

Found at Giant