Oolala Saffron and Olive Oil Potato Chips

Ooh la la or in this case Oolala, is normally an expression for pleasant surprise, but in this case it seems to be a synonym for meh. Meh is still much better than feh though, so there is that. Maybe the problem is me, saffron just doesn't light up my pleasure sensors like it seems to do to other people. Saffron is spice popular throughout the world, it's used in many cultures dishes. If you've ever had Spanish or Middle Eastern yellow rice, you've had saffron. Wikipedia describes the taste as hay-like and sweet. I had no idea so many people wanted to eat sweetened hay bales, but that does explain how Frosted Mini Wheats has stuck around for so long. The saffron taste only hits me intermittently, but I can't tell if that's because it's lightly flavored or if I'm just not registering it. The chips themselves are very well made, with a robust crisp and excellent mouth feel. It was certainly a novel idea making saffron potato chips, but it's just not for me. 

Found at World Market

Peanut Hottie

Have you ever had a need you didn't know existed? An experience that shifts your world view? I myself had never thought of heating an entire jar of peanut butter and slurping it down like some sort of twisted legume addict, but now that I do I'm not sure how to go on with my life. Will people on the street see my newfound secret shame? Will I have to slink though the shadows as the Goober Pariah? Will my previous addiction to rhetorical questions subside? If you've ever put peanut butter on a hot English muffin, then you know how this tastes. If you haven't then you need to experience the world more, my little Baby Bird. I'm not so sure about the name and packaging though. "Take me home...love your Peanut Hottie" and the instructions "How To Make Me Hot..." and even the contact information saying to "write me a love letter" seems a bit too sultry. Just how flirty can a beverage be? That's how you end up with a scalded lap. Umm, or so I hear. 

Found at Walmart

Larry the Cable Guy Cheeseburger Tater Chips

Should I be worried that one of the other things that Larry the Cable Guy shills for is Prilosec, a heartburn medicine? For those of you who were trapped in a subterranean mole kingdom for Aughts, Larry the Cable Guy is a comedian with an exaggerated Southern Redneck style. He most well known for being part of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour and for voicing the tow truck Mater, in the Pixar movie, Cars. You aren't here for his bio though, so I will "Git-R-Done." Hmm, even typing that out makes me cringe. Wow, these truly are the platonic ideal of cheeseburgers. I don't mean these taste like cheeseburgers that just want to be friends, they taste like idea of all cheeseburgers. To be more specific they taste like every basic cheeseburger you get at any fast food place. Obviously your lobster, truffle, and caviar cheeseburger made with Kobe beef and seasoned with meerkat tears, that Richy McRicherson eats while burning thousand dollar bills in front of starving orphans, tastes different, but you get the gist. When Larry says cheeseburger, he isn't talking just ground beef and cheese, you can taste the mustard, ketchup, onions, pickles. They pack a lot of flavor on each chip. These aren't the first cheeseburger flavored chips I've tried, but they are the strongest and the most "meaty." The "taters" themselves are a bit average, relatively thin, but they do have an acceptable crunch. As Larry himself says on the front of the bag, "boy that's good eatin'!" Perhaps I should give Prilosec a chance too.

Donated by Pat

Found at Exxon

The Peeps Show!

Who doesn't crave eating the young of flightless domesticated avians? Way back when the years still started a nineteen, you could only find Peeps around Easter. They were part of the Easter motif of chicks and bunnies that makes Christians stare at their feet when you ask them to explain it. Those days are long gone since people have now discovered they like eating marshmallows year round. Who knew? Still, holidays are still in their fluff clogged veins, so now we have a variety of loosely winter themed Peeps. Being that I'm horribly lazy I'm going to review them all at once.

Sugar Cookie

Do sugar cookies normally have bits of metal foil in them? Why do these have metallic grey bits? I'll ignore that the fudge bottoms make it look like these birds have a case of mud butt if I can get answer on the tinselling. As for taste they really don't stand out. Peeps are already marshmallows coated with sugar, making them sugar cookie flavored adds very little. A teeny tiny hint of vanilla, maybe? You won't be able to taste it once you reach the chocolate anyways. Assuming of course you are like me and eat the heads first like some sort of G-rated Ozzy Osborne.

Hot Cocoa & Cream

I want to let everyone in on a little secret, hot cocoa tastes the same as cold cocoa. Sure it's more enjoyable when it's hot, but the flavor is still the same. It's a secret to everybody. Shh. With that out if the way (and helping me reach my quota of video game jokes), this is really good. The head was rich and satisfying, it really pleases the tongue. The white fudge cream "body" plays pleasant counterpoint and gives a bit of sharpness. I could only imagine how good this would be if you put one in an actual cup of hot cocoa and let it sink like  the Lusitania. 

Red Velvet 

Did my previous revelation blow your mind? Are you still cleaning various skull fragments off of your phones? Hurry up then, I don't have all day. Ok, all better? Good, because this one is even bigger. Red Velvet is just cocoa. Whoa. Yeah. Whoa. I know, right? That being said these do taste slightly different than the Hot Cocoa Peeps, like the amount of cocoa is slightly less. The fudge may or may not be slightly different as well, a bit more dairy tasting perhaps. Still pretty good, but given the choice I'd  suggest taking the Hot Cocoa & Cream. It's also less likely to turn your tongue magenta. I'm also not sure when Red Velvet became a winter holiday flavor, I thought they were going to save it for Valentine's Day, but I guess it was only a matter of time until Christmas fully swallowed the entire calendar.

Sugar Plum Delight

Just as I have blown your minds, now it's  my turn to be surprised. These are the moments I live for, this tastes tastes like absolutely nothing I've had before. Just as candy versions of common fruits exaggerate the high points of their forebears, so too does this taste nothing like a real plum and yet is most clearly plum flavored. This also makes me ask myself some difficult questions. Do I like these because they are so alien or do I like them for their own traits? It's sweet yes, but there's a tart almost tannic background that really sets it apart. The fact that the first one I pulled out has candy crystals only on one side like a confectionary Two-Face is also pretty cool. I'd very much like it if plum candy some day reached the pantheon of candy flavors like grape, cherry, and blue raspberry. That's it for me, these Peeps have made me pooped. Happy Holidays!

Found at Target 

Ruffles All Dressed Potato Chips

It looks like the United States' longest unsecured border has been breached. Normally at this point I'd gently tease our neighbors to the north with a few jokes, perhaps treat the movie Strange Brew as a documentary or claim that the Canadian Prime Minister is selected by whichever moose has the biggest antlers, but I want to take another tack today. We should be grateful of our Great White Northern brethren. They have given us so much, not just a place to threaten to flee to after every election. Peanut Butter, the Wonderbra, Trivial Pursuit were all invented there. Canada has given us great actors such as Leslie Nielsen, William Shatner, and Pamela Anderson. Wonderful music such as Neil Young, Rush, Steppenwolf, and Loverboy. Even Wolverine and Deadpool are Canadian, mutant healing factors are the only way to improve on Canadian healthcare, bub. As you can probably tell from from my glowing endorsement of Canada I quite like these chips (if I didn't I'd point out that both Justin Beiber and Nickelback are from there as well.) the big question everyone has is what does All Dressed even mean. All Dressed is sort of like an Everything Bagel, all the major flavors you find are put together. Since these are Canadian the major flavors are Salt and Vinegar, Barbecue Sauce, and Ketchup. There's a lot of paprika in them as well, but I think that's part of the ketchup chips. It might sound like a mess, but the vinegar gives it bite, the barbecue gives sweetness and the ketchup and paprika give it richness. I'm guessing there's a secret fourth type of chip either Heroin or Crack Flavor because they are very addictive. Once the limited run is over I may have to smuggle them out of Canada. Thankfully there isn't a crackpot racist trying to build a wall on our Northern border. Not yet at least. Seriously, I'm all aboot these chips. Sorry, couldn't help myself.

Found at Giant

Sprecher Beer Flavored Kettle Chips

Guten Tag or should I say Gluten Tag since this a food blog and I don't care how bad my jokes are. Oktoberfest may be over since it mostly happens in September (because if it was in October they would call Novemberfest) but that won't stop me from reviewing these chips. Beer and potato chips go together so well there's even a song about it, but what happens when you combine Essen Vergnügen with Trinkgenuss (eating and drinking enjoyment if Google translation is to be believed)? Is it Wunderbar or so bad they have to have a convention in Geneva? Wurst case scenario I could always try to kill the taste with sausages. Turns out none of that is necessary because these are really good. It really does taste like beer, because it's actually made with dried beer. This is the first time dried beer was good for anything other than making your feet stick to the floor in bars. They have just a hint of sweet (honey is another ingredient, so is yeast), which gives the saltiness something to shine against. Kettle chips were an excellent choice to showcase this flavor,  the crunch and the wholesomeness of the potatoes bring everything together.  Truly the total package. The only real question left is if I eat the entire bag in one sitting does it count as an eating problem or a drinking problem?

Found at World Market

Combos Sweet & Salty Chocolate Fudge

Sweet and Salty, its a taste that has gotten popular lately, although not one that applies to people if my love life is any indication. Chocolate covered pretzels have been around for a while, but this is the first time I've seen pretzel covered chocolate. If anything I think the label has it backwards, they should be called Salty and Sweet. The little bit of fudge acts like tiny life preserver in a lake of saltiness. Don't misread me these are pretty good, I like the salt, it's just that I'm used to a hint of salt to bring sweetness into focus, where this uses a hint of sweet to dull the sharpness of the salt. It's a very interesting interaction. If you remove the fudge from it's chitinous pretzel shell  (maybe with a tiny crab mallet?) you'll find the fudge is rich and creamy. If you don't (perhaps you broke your mallet at the last crabathalon) you'll barely notice it. Very good, but I do wish they had a little bit more fudge.

Donated by Grant and Pat

Found at 7-11

Nabisco Marshmallow Crispy Oreo

I missed these the first time they came out, but this time I will not be denied. Nabisco does a good job of avoiding lawsuit by not mentioning rice and spelling "crispy" properly. Make no mistake though, this is certainly Rice Krispies Treats flavored. Moreover it is really good Rice Krispies Treats flavored. The balance between rice and marshmallow is ideal, even if the ratio does look inverted.

Speaking of that creme filling, it appears to have more than your typical Oreo. I'm not sure if that's so they didn't have to grind the rice into even smaller pieces or not. Which brings up the fact that there is actual crisped rice inside. It even pops, assuming you have super sensitive hearing and are in a sound proofed room located in outer space. While still not my favorite Oreo (that would be the Brownie Batter Oreos, they are certainly in my top five. The marshmallow creme is distinct and works well with golden cookies. I even enjoyed them enough to make a cheesecake themed around them, with ground cookies for the crust and bits of Rice Krispies Treats in the cheesecake itself. 

Found at Food Lion

Lay's New York Reuben Potato Chips

As everyone agrees, the famous Reuben Sandwich is is named after its inventor the famed actor, Paul Reubens. In fact you can the very first one being made on an episode of Pee Wee's Playhouse. In fact the word of the day was "sandwich." AAAAHHHH! Now that no one under the age of thirty knows what I'm talking about or gets my joke, I may as well come clean, none of that is probably true, but since my internet connection is spotty today I'm not going to bother to do any real research. I will tell you that a Reuben sandwich, AAAAHHHH, is made from corned beef, sauerkraut, Swiss cheese, rye bread, and Russian dressing. It is linked in mind with New York City, much like sewer alligators and hipsters. As flavors go, this one is eerily accurate. The complex interplay between rye bread, sauerkraut, and corned beef is all there. The strong flavors don't cancel each other out, but rather work together to form a super group, much like the Eagles or the Justice League. This brings up a quandary I didn't know existed. How much is too much Reuben? For me part of the allure is that Ruebens are a treat, one that I only have once in a while. I can and have gotten burned out by a sandwich. AAAAHHHH! The small bags are great, they add complexity to whatever else you are eating. The big bags end up becoming more of a chore. It's definitely not an all day knosh. This was the last of the 2015 Lay's Do Us A Flavor chips for me to review and I'm ready to crown my personal winner. The Southern Biscuits and Gravy are the clear winner. While all the chips were good unlike previous years, it is the only one that had great taste and that wouldn't wear out your taste buds. AAAAHHHH! I didn't say the word of the day, I just felt like yelling.

Donated by Crystal

Found at Harris Teeter

Lay's Southern Biscuits and Gravy

I have to confess the concept of gravy always makes me nervous. I've spent enough time in hospitals (no, not for food poisoning) that I immediately assume when I see the word gravy is that it's some thin attempt to hide the awfulness of the meat with the juices that should still be in the meat. Sort of like how draining all the water out of a water balloon and then pouring it back on top of the balloon doesn't make it any more fun to play with. Southern gravy I've come to find out is a completely different thing. More commonly known as sausage gravy, it is made ground sausage, flour, and milk. Maybe a dash of pepper so you can say you customized it or to add a couple flecks of "what is that floating stuff?" I shouldn't have to explain what biscuits are, but in the off chance you are British, I will say that they are not cookies, you limey. Just kidding, god save the queen, or any other Sex Pistols song you like. Yes, I know that's not the name of the song. Have I rambled enough? Should I get to the review? Do I believe I ask too many rhetorical questions? These are really good. Opening the bag smells like waking up in a house that no one has ever heard the word "diet" in. They taste like breakfast sausage with a strong backdrop of dairy. I really couldn't detect much of a biscuit flavor, but since the biscuit is merely a gravy delivery system, it's not really missed. As my coworker said to me, "these would make Jimmy Dean proud". Or maybe it was Paula Deen, I get the two mixed up. As for the 2015 Lay's Do Me A Flavor competition, these are a strong contender, two comfort foods turned into one. All that's left is the review for the New York Reuben, and then I will crown a winner.

Found at Harris Teeter 

Donated by Crystal

Nabisco Brownie Batter Oreo

Stop the presses. What, print is a dying medium and I'm showing my age? Sigh, ok, pause the internet. Still wrong? Fine, you win, I won't tell you about life changing cookies, I'll just keep eating all of these wonderful treats and not share. 

I can't stay mad at you, dear reader, I'll tell you about them and more importantly where I found mine. I've had a lot of different flavored Oreos, and I've enjoyed almost all of them, but these may in fact be the best. Even opening the package created a heavenly chocolate breeze (which may or may not be the name of a Prince album). Is there such thing as too much chocolate? No, of course not, what kind of weirdo would even think that way? They really do taste like you started making brownies and then lost all self control and ate all the batter like an impatient piggy person. A glorious chocolate filled piggy person! A piggy person who seizes the day and goes for the gusto! I may have started oinking a little bit. So I guess what I'm saying is that these are pretty good. The only real questions left are can I figure out how to take over an entire Oreo factory like Smaug took over Erebor and how will I stop the inevitable ring wearing Hobbits that try to steal my cookie treasure?

Found at Shoppers

Lay's Kettle Cooked Greektown Gyro Potato Chips

Like many ethnic enclaves (Chinatown, Little Italy, Midgetville), Greektown has its own foods and culture. The food that has most come to be recognized is the gyro. Or maybe it's supposed to be gyros in the singular. Whatever, it's all Greek to me. Whether it's pronounced "yeeros", "jiros", or "heeros" it one of the United States' favorite spindle meats (spindle meat sounds like something from a really trashy porn novel). A traditional gyro is meat, mostly beef and lamb, ground and fused together into a cylinder and then cooked on a vertical broiler, served on a pita or flat bread. The meat is spiced with garlic, paprika, pepper, dried parsley, oregano, and often other spices such as cumin, allspice, coriander, and fennel, among others. It is accompanied by tomatoes, onions, and most importantly tzatziki sauce. Oh, you aren't from the moon, and already know what a gyro is? Fine, I guess there's no pleasing some people. The chips taste like all the spices and the tzatziki sauce, but I can't really detect any lamb or meat flavor. Upon first sniff (when I someday get around to writing a trashy porn novel, I'm going to use that line) the spices really stand out, being somewhat reminiscent of sausage (also going into the novel). The tzatziki isn't apparent at first but slowly grows as you masticate (not going to be included). Overall I think the spices can be a little overwhelming, but it's not bad. Also the flavor is served on Lay's kettle chips which give them some heft and a nice crunch. That's two reviews into the 2015 Lay's Do Us A Flavor competition, and we do not yet have a clear winner, so keep posted for New York Reuben and Southern Biscuits and Gravy.

Found at Harris Teeter

Donated by Crystal 

Lay's Wavy West Coast Truffle Fries Flavored Potato Chips

What could possibly get me to break my long hiatus from writing? 2015's Lay's Do Us A Flavor contest. This year the flavors have a theme, regional tastes. I'm going to start with the West Coast Truffle Fries. I do feel like this is a bit of a cheat, making potato chips tasting like fries seems almost a bit lazy, not exactly a feat like making grapes taste like cotton candy.  Okay, okay, the important part isn't that they taste like French fries, but rather the truffle flavoring. Calling it truffle flavoring isn't fair, really, because it actually has black truffle, Romano cheese and duck fat listed in the ingredients. So do the fancy schmancy ingredients work? Meh, sort of. Upon opening the bag and on first bite I thought I had been given regular sour cream and onion chips. It's only on continued eating that that the more subtle, richer flavors shine through. There is an earthy almost silky depth to the flavor. Since I've never sat down and eaten a whole truffle by itself, I can't be certain that it's the truffle I'm tasting, but it does taste like other things that incorporate truffles. You need to let the chip sit on your tongue for a bit to really get the full panoply of flavors. Of course this is how exactly no one eats potato chips so I imagine a lot of people are going to be disappointed when they try it out. Luxury potato chips are kind of like having gem stone studded Crocs, you can enjoy them, but no one is going to impressed and that's not really what they are for. Try them, enjoy them and maybe next year they will have smoked salmon and caviar chips.

Donated by Crystal 

Found at Harris Teeter and Giant

Nabisco Red Velvet Oreo

The internet rumor mill should be happy, a couple months ago my Facebook feed (why yes, I am over thirty, so I still use Facebook) exploded with people asking me if Red Velvet Oreos were real and if I had found them. Much like finding Bigfoot and finding out that Bigfoot knows the cure for foot cancer, the wait was totally worth it. They are awesome!  The reddish cookie tastes of cocoa and the cream cheese filling is rich and sweet.   They are truly wonderful together. In fact the only disappointing thing is that they come in a smaller container, 10.7 ounces verses the 12.2 that standard oreos come in. Kind of like finding out Bigfoot only wears a size 11 shoe. Does Oreo not think we can handle a full size package? Since they came out for Valentine's Day is smaller somehow more romantic? I'm pretty sure most women would disagree with that. Regardless, once Valentine's season is over there are going to be a lot of heartbroken people. 

Found at Safeway. 

Nabisco Oreo Mini Candy Cane

For some reason Oreo decided not to release these as full size cookies but only as minis. I have seen pictures of a full size Peppermint Oreo, but I haven't seen them in stores around here yet. This of course brings up the point of what is the difference between candy cane and peppermint? Especially since there isn't any white stripes on these.

If anything I would describe the color as "flesh wound", which is hardly festive at all. The creme as you may have noticed barely fills the space between the cookies, which is a bit disappointing. The taste is over all pretty good, and the small size allows you to put way too many in your mouth at once if you want to pretend to be a giant eating regular sized Oreos. Mostly though I'm just disappointed with Oreo as a company right now. All summer long they released some insane flavors like fruit punch, watermelon and limeade, among others and all they could think of for the holidays was candy cane? Why not eggnog creme or gingerbread cookie, or if they really wanted to go nuts, something like sugar plum or figgy pudding? So many missed opportunities. 

Found at Giant

Lay's Wavy Milk Chocolate Covered Potato Chips

I'm not sure where the idea of putting chocolate on potato chips started, but I can't imagine it was an easy sell the first time. Perhaps someone read their recipe for sweet potato pie very very wrong. They're actually better than I was expecting, the end result is something like a Crackle Bar (the chocolate with bits of puffed rice inside, but with salt.

Only a few of the pieces were totally covered in chocolate, most just had a single coated side. Also, you may be able to see a couple grains of coarse salt on top ( or not because I'm terrible at taking pictures). Like I said, actually much better than I expected. The chocolate and the salt contrast nicely and the potato chip gives a decent crunch.

Found at Exxon

Lester's Fixins Artificial Bacon Soda

Thank goodness they told us it's artificial, I might have thought it was all natural bacon soda made from bacon squeezings. It does claim to have "natural flavor" in the ingredients, but honestly I can't imagine what that means. Unlike most fake bacon products I've tried this doesn't seem to use a lot of smoke flavoring. Instead it's very sweet. Probably too sweet. If anything it tastes less like bacon and more like sweet ham. That's not a good thing, if you couldn't guess. It also has a severely chemical aftertaste, which isn't always a deal breaker for me, but this time it is. Altogether foul, I don't expect I'll try it again.

Update: By the gods I've figured it out! Those sick twisted monsters. They didn't make an artificial soda that is bacon flavored. The flavor it's supposed to be is artificial bacon. As in Bac-Os. The goal wasn't bacon, the goal was fake bacon (fakon?). I think I'm even more disgusted now.

Donated by my mom

Found at Pa Dutch Food & Candy Company

Paqui Tortilla Chips Haunted Ghost Pepper

By the hoary hosts of Hoggoth (sorry I've been reading a lot of Dr. Strange) I have made a mistake. This was a Bad Idea. My mouth is burning, my nose is dripping, I want to scrape off my lips, and honestly I'm quite frightened of what's going to happen "down the line", if you know what I mean. All this woe and I just had two chips. Two chips and I'm ready to be buried in an ice casket. #$@&%*! I am so unhappy right now. I had one chip and thought "this is hot, but bearable", so what does my idiot self do? I have a second chip. I feel like I've been tongue kissed by Mephistopheles. Why the hell would they make a bag this big for these chips? It's not like you can even torture a room full of your "friends" with them, because after the first two collapse no one else is even going to get near them. Ghost peppers were the hottest pepper in the world in 2007, but are now "only" considered the third hottest. They are rated at more than one million Scoville heat units. They are 401.5 times hotter than Tabasco sauce (thanks Wikipedia). I should have looked all this up before putting it in my mouth. If the sadism involved wasn't enough these chips are also made with cayenne, chipotle, and chili powder, my guess is in order to give it something resembling a taste. As if anyone can taste anything other than misery and regret. #$@&%*! 

Found at Fresh Market

Blue Plate Special Blackberry Cobbler Soda

Good thing they let me know that it's a cobbler soda, otherwise I would have thought its a pie soda, and that would be ridiculous. Could you imagine, a bottom layer of pie crust? It boggles the mind. It's very good. Very sweet. The blackberry is a glory in artificial flavoring. What really stands out to me though is the pie taste. Sorry, cobbler taste. There's a hint of what I think is vanilla and cinnamon that really does give you the taste of pie crust. Sorry, cobbler crust. It really is a work of art. Sorry, work of cobbler.

Found at World Market

Flux Candy Box of Boogers

I thought this would gross, but really it snot. I'm already knuckle deep in the box and all I'm getting is gold. I guess I really picked a winner. You could say I really have a nose for these kind of things. Are my jokes starting to booger you?

There are three flavors, snottermelon, sour green boogy (apple), and lemon loogy. Snottermelon is my favorite, potent yet not overpowering and honestly it has the best name. They're soft, like real nose goblins, but thankfully not sticky, so no sticking them under your chair. I got lucky, I found a real phlegm gem. 

Found at World Market